Making peace

Let’s not talk about the wish for peace that so many hope for in these times of war and pain. Instead, let’s talk about personal relations, possible disagreements, fights, wounds that may happen at home, at work, with friends or acquaintances. A mistake, not considering the consequences of one’s actions, is part of human nature and is usually unintentional, but may still cause harm to oneself or to others. Sometimes it’s easy to make amends, but other times the harm may be serious or even irreparable. Making peace requires two people: one who asks and one who agrees. Not everyone has the desire to make amends, to apologize, to “grant” a return to calm relationships. Is it weakness or could it be a strength? Of course, making peace doesn’t change the past, but it could change the present and the future. Some say that peace can be made, i.e., forgive but not forget for a variety of reasons: don’t repeat the same errors, don’t let “the adversary” think that everything has been easily resolved, think that the “guilty party” knew very well what they were doing and anyway won’t change their attitude. There are many motivations for agreeing or refusing to make peace. Einstein said, “Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.” Would you be able to ask or agree to “make peace”?

TEST

1) For Cinderella, “dreams are wishes;” for you, they’re

a) illusions

b) goals to be achieved

c) moments of sweetness

2) A male colleague is successful

a) good for him!

b) strengthen relations with him

c) how did he do it?

3) A female colleague is successful

a) she deserves it

b) ignore her

c) she must be dating the boss

4) February is

a) almost the end of winter

b) the shortest month

c) almost the beginning of spring

5) A person who hurt you is going through a tough time

a) they deserve it

b) you’re uninterested

c) maybe they’ll learn to be kinder

6) You’d like to have more

a) friends

b) money

c) power

7) They want to give a gift to someone you’re not on good terms with

a) you don’t take part

b) you take part, hoping to improve your relationship

c) you take part, but think nothing will change

8) You have to finish a boring job at work, but there’s no rush

a) you hope your boss forgets about it

b) you finish ASAP

c) you involve a colleague

9) A powerful person:

a) a famous saint

b) a head of State

c) a Nobel Prize winner

10) You have to go to a conference. You think:

a) I’ll make friends

b) what a bore

c) I’ll learn a lot

11) The things you remember most about your school days

a) the worst times

b) the best times

c) friendships with classmates

12) People always remember

a) injustices suffered

b) favors done

c) favors received

13) You receive a notice from the post office to pick up an unexpected package. You’re

a) worried

b) curious

c) happy

14) You take stock of your life. Compared to what you imagined,

a) you’re the same

b) you’re worse

c) you’re better

SCORE

Question A B C

1) 1 3 2
2) 3 2 1

3) 3 2 1

4) 2 1 3
5) 1 2 3

6) 3 2 1

7) 1 3 2

8) 1 3 2

9) 3 2 1

10) 3 1 2

11) 1 3 2

12) 3 2 1

13) 1 2 3

14) 2 1 3

EXPLANATION

42 TO 35 POINTS:

ALWAYS MAKE PEACE

You think these times are permeated with selfishness and aggressiveness, and you work to avoid or at least limit this. You know that you can’t change the world, but you do know one thing: you’re convinced that if people tried to understand each other better, things could get better, at least in the little things of daily life. And if the wish for peace became contagious….

35 TO 26 POINTS:

HARD BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE

You believe that goodness doesn’t go out of style, but has to be rationed. Being too forgiving isn’t instructive: you run the risk that the person who committed the injustice will get used to being forgiven, not understand their mistakes, and keep making them. You can forgive, but only if you’re sure that the other person will change how they behave.

25 TO 15 POINTS:

MAKING PEACE IS OUTDATED

You’re afraid that forgiving is wrong because you think that people who make mistakes are aware of their errors or don’t care about the consequences. Perhaps you suffered because you once made a mistake and weren’t forgiven, or were disappointed because a person you forgave showed lack of gratitude or continued to act the same way. Are you sure your way of thinking doesn’t also involve a bit of pride?

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