Heads or Tails

by Alessandro Bergonzoni

Alessandro Bergonzoni's Christmas.


I could tell you the story of this kid who was desperate and shot himself in the mouth, but since he had forgotten to open it, he ruined his front teeth. I could try to convince you that "lilly" is written with two 'z', "Mattarello" with two 'g' or that the word "stamp" is composed of only one letter. I could tell you that I invented dentures made of cookies for older adults, that at night instead of putting them in a glass of water, they can put them in milk and then chew more easily. I could fool you with the story about two famous nut cases and a screwdriver. I could let you simmer in your broth and then I could disguise myself as a tortellino and surprise you with special effects, but maybe that's not fair.
But what is fair? Is it fair when people are eating on an airplane that opens its undercarriage and lends on a restaurant? Maybe it is fair that after an earthquake, those who have not felt its tremor put their fingers in a plug?
It is probably right to stop making ice cream only because it no longer tastes anything? Passion counts or this empty existence has sense only if la si sol do re mi fa, fa re sol la si do fa? For how much longer will we believe that "tremarella" is the perfect number for friars who are asking for alms? How much longer will we live in doubt, not knowing if a man who defecates standing on one foot is an acrobat or a filthy pig?
For sure there is one thing: nothing should amaze us, not even if we see someone who wears glasses with an arch support or pants without sleeves.
I personally no longer get upset over anything: I have seen trees, tired of standing on their feet, that have sat down and broken; I have seen three-year old children operated on for early beardus; I have seen an astronaut's grand-mother scratching her eye every ten minutes saying:
"I have a grand-son in the orbit!!!"

Close up of Alessandro Bergonzoni

I know about a farmer who, envious of a breeder of parrots, spins around with a cow on his back; I know about a man who raised his pants without raising his suspenders and he thought he could see a sling on the microscope.

Such is life, that life that runs on a wire that passes over a flooding river, and that says you cannot have your cake and eat it, and instead of going to mass stay at home because you made thirty and you want to make thirty-one, but you don't succeed because Martin even with a fist lost the device and that can only make us think about the wisdom we have within us that drives us never to become dryers of moving propellers and that advises us not to court a married woman at least not when she is making love to her husband.
All in all, in life, we need to know about waiting: you can't dive in a pool if there is no water in it;
you can't shave your palate if there is no hair

on your tongue; you can't die if you are not born at least once; you really can't be good until you have wizened up.
That's why the blind cat gave birth to kittens sensitive to the cold. Many people, to save time, put their clocks forward, but that's not how history is made; therefore, let us always remember that we do not only have gold in our mouth: just a lot of cavities.
That done, you will feel born again, different, more satisfied and with that sense of chill that always accompanies summer and brings it up the fall that then brings us to winter which will lead us to the 25th of December.
At this point, I can only wish you a Merry Christmas.

Yours truly, Alessandro Bergonzoni